My apologies!  I am still learning to navigate this wordpress blog! I am new to this~ But NOT new to Voicing My Opinion!

You can imagine!

Go read One Mad Mother 2011 !  and Don’t forget to put in YOUR two cents!

Kinda embarasing but funny so here goes. I had only 1 pair of flannels and the seat of them ripped so I hand sewed them. Yep you know it. Washed once and it tore open…

Well, last night it was COLLLLLLD! So I put on my flannels and I went into the living room where Fiance was reclining watching t.v. and I began doing a sexy dance.

He said    ”What the hell are you doing?”

So I turn around and SH SH SHIMMMIED – yep- butt showing and all.

He laughed so hard I said “Yeah you _know_ you want it.”

So…. later that night.. he snuggled up to me as we were falling asleep and put his arm around me and I whispered

Softly and Sexy (like I learned in that one blog)

“It was the flannels wasn’t it?”
Talk about a mood killer

HAHAHHAHA

He is 6’4 and down to 169 lbs. very pale, chaotic, definatley rapid cycling; loving, angry, yelling, hugging and repeat.

He asked me to pick him up and take him back to L.E.

But First. . . we have to pick up clothes at ***’s

done.

But First. . . we have to pick up my guitars at ***’s

done.

But First . . .  we have to pawn this guitar

done.

But First . . . we have to stop at ***’s…

O.K. I am beginning to get nervous and agitated. I know what we are picking up as much as I do not  want to believe it. I begin to honk the car horn after 15 minutes.

But First . . . we have to go my doctor’s and pick up the medicine.

6 hours later; still in the clinic I tell the receptionist I believe he is shooting up in the rest room. She knocks on the door and goes back to her desk.

Yes. The good Doc gives him prescriptions. A total of over 100 pills, vicoden, seroquel, paxel, norco.

Yes. he is high.

Here we go again . . . a repeat of two years ago. I am frantic and driving on a packed freeway while he is nonstop chattering about incoherent subjects . . .

Ultimately I end up going to a separate hospital with stress related issues of my own that conclude a potential heart attack if this continues.

Three days later I call and the nurse tells me he asked to leave but changed his mind when they were ready to release him. Whew.

He leaves after four days. I get random calls, until last week.

Here we go again. I wonder will this insanity ever really end?

Dear God, this is in your hands.

You are probably wondering what the big deal is. I was granted permission today to use the Piano at my Church anytime I Like during business hours. I was told they will unlock the Chapel and I am free to go up on the stage and play on the Baby Grand Piano. All alone. No witnesses to my mistakes. No pressure. Just me and my long lost love, The piano.

So you might ask why am I nervous? Im 47. During my teen years I studied piano with a wonderful spry lady in her late 80′s and early 90′s.

In her heyday, she was the one counted on to deliver on special occaions, including playing in the well known movie houses during silent movie night. She taught me to read music and to sit with good posture and play with hands held properly (a few smacks on the knuckels with a ruler did the trick)! I begged repeatedly to learn rock n roll. She told me to bring her “true music” and she would teach it. I brought in sheet music one after another only to be told “BAH! that is trash. You find real music and I will teach you”.

Steam rolled out of my ears but I was determined to show her! We do have real music these days!

Finally I brought to her the book of music to Styx Pieces of Eight album. She smiled and said “Well now, that’s music!” I learned quickly. Meanwhile my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and slowly dying. We turned the dining room into a hospice room (as the location was in the middle of the house) and my piano was sitting in the corner.

 I practiced “Come Sail Away” until I could play it effortlessy (also with the album and not miss a beat!). My dad loved this song, he would ask me several times a day “Tammy, please play that song.” My daddy passed away later that year, I was 16.

 I refused to go to the funeral as I could not accept the fact of his death nor did I touch a piano until I was 40.

 I took a couple of music therapy lessons with a wonderful fellow named Howard and after I got the hang of the the keyboard tears streamed down my face. Howard told me he would only teach if I have access to a real piano. A keyboard will not do.

Much to my surprise when during casual conversation I mentioned to my pastor about music therapy and needing a real piano he made the offer! The thought never crossed my mind to ask.

So, my first attempt at truly playing since my Daddy died is going to be to peck out Come Sail Away on a piano, in a Church all alone. How Ironic PS . . . excerpt of lyrics . . . I look to the sea-

Reflections in the waves spark my memory- Some happy, some sad, I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had

We lived happily forever So the story goes But somehow we missed out on the pot of gold But we’ll try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of Angels appeared above my head They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said they said

“Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lads Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me

• As we develop a recovery plan (from whatever we are recovering from; drugs, alcohol, sex,overeating, emotional issues life!) God will give us the rescources.
•  GOD’S WILL IS NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE’S, IT IS NOT DETERMINED BY FACTS OF INFORMATION ALONE
• Many times the people we ask for advice mean well but they do not want to see us fail…they look at us and see one who has failed many times before
• Often what we see through the eyes of FAITH is not what OTHERS see through THEIR eyes.
• Fear of  is one reason people seek advice one problem with fear is that it paralyzes us, distorts our view of the problem making it appear larger than it really is *
• When we don’t get encouragement from those whom we seek it , we think our idea is a bad choice.

 Other people do not have objectivity

• We need to seek the councel of Godly people
• There is always a positive and a negative
•  Be focused on God’s plan for our life more than our friend’s plan
• Identify people we are afraid of dissapointing
• Learn to be responsible for ourselves
•  Depend on God every day
• Peer Pressure creates a false environment
•  When you go by others advice You have someone to blame, don’t ask advice
•  Use your own Spiritual descernment

DONT TRY RUNNING FROM YOURSELF BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO — THERE YOU ARE!

START OVER

LEARNING HOW TO THINK PROPERLY

Romans 12

. . . do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. . .

—As a person thinks in their heart . . .

THINK LOGICALLY

When your Want isn’t working right it is hard to think logically.

ROMANS 12:2

Do not be shaped or conformed to this world . . .

Our minds are conformed by what is pressuring it

Don’t allow your mind to be shaped by old habits and old friendships/people in your life.

**Transformation in an internal pressure

You have transformation then you will have new desires

WE ARE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF OUR MIND

Transformed = thinking in new direction, think soberly

React, respond to stimulation then get your mind focused on things that are healthy.

Whe you are being transformed you will be certain of what God wants and not listening to advice from everyone.

TAKE ACCURATE ASSESMENT OF WHERE YOU ARE

This is meant to be sober inventory/analysis

• FAMILY
• PERSONAL HEALTH
• CAREER
• RELATIONSHIPS
• HABITS
• HOBBIES

To often we trust ourselves to much regarding putting oursef into temptation

Depression is caused by us havinhg a higher idea of where we shoud be (the elephant example, you take a baby elephant and tie a chain to his leg he learns he can’t break the chain, so when he grows up easily he could break it but mentally he doesn’t try he thinks he is where he is meant to be)

When a loved one says “You love drinking, (or other behavior) more than you love me.” This si a true statement.

I CORINTHIANS 14:20

Do not be children in your thinking – be adult

• Your thinking can’t be self serving
• Your thinking must be objective -(how things affect you and others around you)
• Think objectivley about alcohol and you wouldn’t be drinking if you honestly thought of the harm it does to your body, family, job etc… This goes for other behaviors
• When you or “We”  are about ready to use “We” are thinking like children; this is the fun of it….. not thinking of the repercussions

ADDICTS FOLLOW CHILDISH THINKING PATTERNS

People say: “How selfish or stupid is this? To get drunk, spend all your money etc…

MATHEW 22:37

love God with your whole mind -Don’t give him half your mind.

Think biblically- different situations occur but apply biblical thoughts

Romans 8:6-7 To set the mind on flesh is death but set the mind on Spirit is life

Attitude is important

I CORINTHIANS

Most recovery programs have to do with unspiritual methods

THE HARDEST THING IN RECOVERY IS PUTTING OURSELF LAST

• Pray
• Write it down
• Act on it

 The fear of one having the power to give, take away or withhold  means of  survival.

Help For The  Hopeless

This series is about and for people who are experiencing injustice in the Social Security Disability system; as experienced personally or through  a loved one.

You Are Not Alone!

Do you know?

There is someone battling the beaurocracy of social security system.

Do You Know?

There is someone making progress?

Do You Know?

There is someone who care’s about you?

That someone is me. I am here to share my experiences with others and offer insight to share and facilitate any information I find that might help my fellow-man in his journey to sustain a peaceful life while receiving Social Security Disability benefits.

Your input will be greatly appreciated!

Stay tuned for my experiences with social security office there is more to come. You don’t want to miss this .

It could help YOU!

Notes from a class I attend.

Paul writes. . . by asking rhetorical questions  (questions that can only be answered as yes)

Psalm 37:5

• Focus on our own actions and behaviors
• Don’t become narcissistic = talking about ourselve too much
• We have a tendency to become obsessed with our illness (alcoholism, overeating, sexual addictions, emotional issues)
• We have to intentionally learn how to relate to others
• Keep middle ground-find agreement with  others by listening to others. Not by being self centered.
• Learn how to agree

IN MARRAIGES

• Learn how to live in peace
• Find ways to agree
• Love each other
• Relationship is more important than objectivity
• Love is beyond who is right

1. Deep spirited friends are based upon love
2. Friendship runs deeper than personal likes
3. In relationships don’t push your way to the front
4. Best way to help yourself is to help others

DON’T BE OBSESSED

• Obsession is an addiction
• Obsession leads to OCD behavior
• Obsessive behavior becomes controlling
• Forget yourself long enough to lend a helping hand to others
• Humility=No place for pride or narcissism
• Humility and submission is big part of recovery

Don’t beat yourself up

2. NURTURE

    a. God’s grace

        I. His Word

       II. His Spirit

      III. Prayer=fellowship with God to learn to respond by listening

     IV.  Worship= hear God’s love for you

     V.    Lord’s Supper/Communion= to root ourselves in the Lord’s word

    VI.  Fellowship= with like-minded people where other people  nurture you

3. IDENTITY

     a.  Christ Follower

     b.  Saved

    c.   Whole

    d. Free from addictions

    e. Alive

     f. Gifted/value (what had God gifted me with?)

4. ACHIEVEMENT

    After you know your identity, then you will make achievments.